28 February 2012

Smart Cars Are Stupid, and I Hate Them
WARNING: Extremely Graphic Photos

The worst of the worst has moved into my neighborhood.  It's all downhill from here.  That's right, there's a SmartCar in the driveway down the street.  It took me a while to figure out where my absolutely vicious and vitriolic hatred comes from whenever I see one.  Though I do laugh somewhat when I see one get on the feeder road that runs along the Gulf Freeway here.  But I hate them.  To quote Jack Nicholson's character Melvin Udall's hatred for taking pills from As Good As It Gets: "Hate. I'm using the word HATE here;" only my hatred is directed toward SmartCars. There's one of these Clown Cars in my son's government school parking lot. It's yellow and has a Bill White bumper sticker on it (WTF?).
I see them here and there, scooting about town, and I want to take aim with my imaginary (it's on my wishlist) Barnett Ghost 350 Carbon Lite Crossbow. Don't get me wrong. I support a person's choice to drive what is essentially just a golf cart with a hard-top on it.  But you KNOW there's attitude attached: "Lookit Me. I'M not using very much fuel." Good. That means there's more for ME and my ten-year-old 14-mpg Dodge Grand Caravan eX. I recently saw a SmartCar parked in a handicap parking space at my grocery store. I even tweeted it at that very moment as it struck me as just super odd. It screams to me "mentally handicapped." That's right, I typed mentally handicapped.
What's WRONG with this picture?

So why the hatred?  It's because these vehicles are antithetical to life. As long as I live, I'd fight my sons if they tried to drive one (they wouldn't).When I see one I see death. I saw the pictures you will see below quite a while ago - before I started seeing SmartCars putting around. This is Texas, for God's sake.  For Texas, the SmartCar looks like a roller skate. All sarcasm momentarily aside, scroll down, but be warned! It's only when I connected that car to these pictures that I began to understand my hatred for having one of these things within any range of my vision.  

I'm using the word HATE here. Here's a graphic depiction of the WHY.









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