Time to Retire

I have decided to retire this blog. I no longer consistently write in it. I am, however, a twitter head. You can find me there for sure.
http://www.twitter.com/conservtivemom.
Or, you can search on Twitter for LoriGirl where you will see Greek lettering by my name that translates to "Come get it," a saying that conjures up the Texas Independence Gonzales Battle Flag that says "Come and Take It."
The avatar on my twitter feed is of Dolley Madison, the same woman that dons my blog here. She was, next to Abigail Adams, a remarkable woman. Look up her history. She was the one who famously tried to save articles from a library/museum that the British set afire in the War of 1812. I admired her bravery, and always will.
Im going to take a survey on twitter to see if i should replace my Dolley avatar with my own mug. So, look for that. The years blogging were fun. I had so much to say and so many people to wake up because we were losing our country. I accomplished that goal with the help of thousands of other patriots, and I believe the election of Donald Trump reflects the country has awakened. Our fight is far from over, but moving from blogging is a decision for me a long time coming. Information is acquired virtually at real time now with Twitter, Periscope, Gab, SnapChat, and many other apps.
I would like to continue my deeper thoughts via Twitter when they grant me access to their new 280 character-length. Wish me luck!
Other places you can find me are:
Pinterest
Instagram
Gab.ai

A Time to Pray

My Favorite Portrait.

This has been around for several years. Artist Unknown.

Start Blogging again.

Let's start HERE.

For the Record

I drew this several years ago as a tattoo design. It is my art and can be found on Google Images. I've noticed it's already been copied.

My Breast Cancer Journey

August 20, 2014 - diagnosed Stage 2 Breast cancer at the age of 49.

September 2014- 24 weeks of chemotherapy.

(Somewhere in here, depression sets in. I am taking antidepressants.)

March 9, 2015 - Lumpectomy, left breast.

March 24, 2015 - I am surgically cancer free.

(Still battling depression, still taking antidepressants.)

April 2015 - 6 weeks of daily radiation

August 20, 2015 One year since diagnosis

(September 2015 battling major depression, gained 50 pounds)

March 24, 2016 One year cancer free

(July 2016 - Doubled one of my Antidepressants.)

(Late July. 2016, I am finally feeling better mentally. Physically, I feel awful, suspect my Sjogrens Syndrome has worsened.)

August 20, 2016 - will be 2 years since diagnosis

March 24, 2017 - 2 years cancer free

The Best Possible Outcome

I did not do a very good job at my blog with journaling my cancer journey. Admittedly, the cancer took me down a pretty dark hole. Losing all my hair had a much more depressing effect on me than I thought it would.

I finished my chemotherapy in February, then on March 9th I had a lumpectomy.

Today, March 24, I was told by my surgeon that I am surgically cancer free, the best possible outcome.

I still have to have radiation. But my hair has started growing back.

Thank you for all your prayers, everyone. The prayers worked!

Still Doing Chemo

I've not posted in a few weeks. Tomorrow is my 9th round of the Taxol Chemo. I have become weary of them, but the tumor has noticeably shrunk.
These last 8 treatments my mother has been with me each time. She took 3 months out of her life in California to see me through to a place where chemo has become "rouutine." She is heading home on Thursday. It's bittersweet that she's leaving. I'm sad, but she has a life to get back to.
My youngest son Matthew has surprisingly taken to keeping me company during chemo too. I'm joyfully surprised. He's only 18.
That's all for now. I'm hanging in there by prayers from so many people, and of course, by the Grace of God.

5th Round Done

The best news is that the tumor on my left breast is visibly shrinking. From the outside I have seen it shrinking,  praise be to God!

My hair is still both falling out and on my head. I'm not one for a drastic shave bald right away, so the hair thing with me is more of a nuisance and admittedly a curiosity.

Most annoying side effect: muscle fatigue. But walking and yoga help that.

Prayers are working y'all.  Keep em comin'!
Thank you so much for the prayers, all y'all.

Round 4

Hair has officially started to fall out.

After Chemo Round 3

Prayers are working, I am beyond grateful for ALL of them.

The chemo is working too. I know it is earrly, but I sure am not the scared to death woman I was 5 weeks ago.

I was angry. I'm sorry. That grief stage seemed to come easy for me.

I've moved into the acceptance stage, clearly a more healing place to be.

Bonus: I still have hair.

♡

Post Round 2

A note i wrote to my father. He lives in Cali and i know he feels far away. I do too: whatplanet was i on to think this would never happen to me?

Hi Daddy,
here is a visual of what I am trying to get rid of. It is considered a 'grade 3' size tumor. I hope it is not TMI, but without a bra, that's what my left chest looks like. It is slightly larger than a golf ball.

This is what I pray for every day and night to shrink so I can have a sucessful surgery. I pray each chemo treatment shrinks it smaller and smaller for a lumpectetamy in 6 months. I will be doing 24 treatments total,  with just two under my belt so far.

I am still on the beginning of an enormous learning curve, and am doing the best I can. I just thought a visual might let you see more what I'm dealing with. I can still smile though. And I have hair. :)
I Love You,
Lori

Monday, Round 1

Thank you God.
I thank everyone  you for all your continued prayers.
I've a long road ahead but I could not do it without so much love and prayer around me.
So far my only side effect from the first round has been fatigue.  I seem to be sleeping a lot. I do hope that improves.
Next Round is on Monday. Every Monday after that for a total of 12. Thats with the Taxol. And there's more after that, but these first six cycles are about as far out as my mind will take me. But as for visualizing this tumor shrinking away, that I think of, ad infinitum.
Please keep praying. 
"Where there are two or more gather in my name, there I am with them." ~Matthew 18:20
🌹

Eve of Battle

Tomorrow I start the Taxol chemotherapy.

My specific prayer is that this battle I was so frightened to take on accomplishes shrinking down this tumor smaller and smaller for a successful lumpectomy in the not to distant future.

Having now pulled strength from God and His Son Christ who died for even me, and knowing the love from so many of my immediate and extended family's prayers, best and good friends' prayers and positive thoughts, victory over breast cancer is and shall be my outcome.

Please keep praying, y'all. I feel all of them.

Oncologist Tomorrow

Will find out chemo schedule. Twelve weeks of Hell already on the calendar. Stay tuned for specific day for systemic ruination of my immune system, which was half ruined already.

Half Sick of Shadows Already

John W Waterhouse is undoubtedly my favorite of all of the Pre-Raphaelite artists. This piece is "Half Sick Of Shadows, The Lady of Shalott," painted in 1888. The scene was inspired by Alfred Lord Tennyson's Victorian ballad of the same name, written in 1833. 

Her story told by Tennyson is beautiful, yet bitter-sweet, ranging with emotions most can relate to. At the time of this posting, I was doing that very thing: Reflection. 

Waterhouse painted many oils from the Ballad's stanzas. This is just one of them.

Cancer Demons Haunting

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Woo hoo! Saw the Talking Doc today (my psychiatrist) and he's prescribed me some magic meds to help me with these demon nights to

A) keep me from throwing myself off a building
B) Randomly peeling my skin off by single layers
C) Going more mad than I already have
D) All of the above

E) Ripping this fucking port-cath out of my chest.

Addendum

My surgeon and his nurses told me this wouldn't hurt once this device was implanted.

Now I will tell you MY truth. This HURTS.

Yes, this is  just DAY 1, but I can't turn my neck to the left without pain, or to the right without irritation; it is painful on the right side of both my neck and throat to swallow; my right collar bone hurts expecially where the port was embedded; I cannot raise up without help from laying down; and, I cannot eat politely because I am right-handed.

There will be no sugar-coating from me. And since I am not so good with getting the feelings said out loud, you will find my truth,  MY reality in my words here.
 

Cancer sucks.

Compare and Contrast

Pre & Post Chemo Port, 15 September 2014

I have to take photos because this doesn't feel like me.

A Dali Moment Indeed

La mémoire de Péristance