01 November 2009

Picket or Treat! Your Guide To A Redistributive Halloween

Honoring SOCIALISM at Halloween:

This plan will work for young school-aged children. When two or more Trick-or-Treaters show up at your door, instead of handing out your own candy, take some candy from one of the Treater's candy bag and give it to the other Treater.  As your doing this, tell them "That's call Redistributive Change, kids! Have fun!"

This plan will work well for older kids, especially for the ones that are bigger than you.  Hand ONE child a huge handful of candy, and exclaim: "That's not fair!"  See if you can even get the other kids to chant "FAIR CANDY NOW! WE DEMAND CANDY!" just for fun.  Then, tell other child(ren) that you are the Federal Government and we agree that this recipient of so much candy will now be redistributing his candy because he got way too much. Make the child open his candy bag and take from it and give to the other kids.

For really little children trick-or-treating with their parents, give them each a huge handful of candy and make sure that their parents hear you say, "Hi kids! This candy was paid for by your future salary!"  Tell everyone "this is called "Socialism.  That's a big word! Can you say Socialism? soh-shuh-liz-uhm."  Sometimes clapping during each syllable will help the child say big words.

Finally, and this is important, if that one, single, lone child shows up with no other Treaters, sit down with him/her and tell him/her how much he/she must be suffering because they have no one else.  He or She is obviously underprivileged.  Tell the Treater "I am the Government, and I'm here to help."  Then, patiently wait for other Treaters to come along and tell them they must share their candy with this underprivileged Treater.

You may want to dress the part: Wear a business suit and look very distinguished.  One suggestion is to slick your hair back and wear glasses and/or a tie.  For a complete look, a metal or jeweled elephant or donkey pin should be pinned to your jacket lapel.  You will want to have a briefcase with you.  A badge is particularly helpful. That way the deviant Treaters will be intimidated, and if they want to play a Trick on you, you know someone who can offer them a place in the Treaters' Union, because they are obviously suffering and underprivileged, too.

Here's where you need a friend to help.  Have your friend play the role of Union Leader, also dressing the part. The Union Leader will tell the Treater he/she can now be a Union Member of the Treaters' Union.  This Union Treater Member can now go to other neighbors and DEMAND Candy!  It is THEIR RIGHT! Also, instruct  the new Union Treater Member to offer  the other neighbors to be part of the Treaters' Union.  If they join have them pay their Union Dues immediately.

If the neighbor doesn't want to become a Union Treater Member, they are lying anti-union racist haters. The racist hater then must have a Trick played on them in the form of Organized Picketing.  You will support the Picketing by having other Treater Members bused from all over the area to ensure a large crowd.  Signs for picketing will also be provided.

Be sure to have the new Union Treater Member bring your friend any and all money directly that they have made as a new Union Member.  The friend should be using a briefcase to put the money into.  Later, in secret, meet with your Union Leader Friend and get your share of the money. This will line the pockets of your suit for as long as you wish, and you will be able to make that money work for you in all kinds of ways.

Picket or Treat!!

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